Two Different Versions Of Myself
It was hard to hear even though I knew deep down it was true.
I was breathless and in shock when I first heard the words and I laughed right after because honestly, I felt like someone could finally see me.
Even writing this, it’s hard to put on paper exactly what is going on deep within my soul. Almost every day I battle behind two very different versions of myself.
The first one, a scared young new mom not really knowing what to do but pushing through trying not to make too many ripples in the water. Worried if she does something or someone will be upset and always putting everyone’s needs before her own. Filled with worry, anxiety and the consistent fear of letting someone down.
The second one, deeply connected to herself, confident in her own skin, not afraid to take the leap. A dream chaser never looking back and riding the waves not too worried where it will lead.
Even though I knew deep down this was happening, to bring so much awareness to it was frightening. Now that the curtain has been drawn and the real me has been revealed, how do I heal the younger scared version of who I am. This person has lived with me for 15 years and oddly enough it is hard to say goodbye.
What If I'm Not Ready?
It’s hard because if I say goodbye, what will be left in the void? Will there be a void or will the other part of me be fully embraced and loved? What if I am not ready? But will I ever be ready? I would ask myself this all the time and honestly, I still don’t have the answers.
And as I continue to navigate my healing journey, I have realized as I heal these parts of myself, I am only growing. Growing into the person I am truly meant to be and cultivating a life I truly want to live. I am ready to step into this next version of myself all I have to do now is take the leap. Here I go!
Written by Portia Chambers
The WE blog is a collection of stories and journal entries from women sharing moments in their life that left them breathless. We believe in celebrating all moments, whether they are the happiest moments of your life, moments that left you feeling lost or moments where you healed yourself again and again. We are here for all of it. No moment is too small. No moment isn’t worth celebrating. This is a safe space to share. A place where you can be yourself. A place to heal.
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